How I Work
Most people come to see me when they already feel hopeless and powerless.
Many are not sure what I might expect from them and are not sure what to expect from me.
My understanding of change
I see relationships as a vehicle for healing. The beauty of a crisis or of relationship pain is that they can be a catalyst for growth and healing.
Awareness is the key to change. This means noticing:
- Your unhealthy reactions
- What you do with your unmet needs
- Your blockages to growth
By increasing your ability to notice, you give yourself a moment of choice. It’s this choice that either makes the situation better or worse. When you make it better, you feel so much better.
When you change how you respond to others, they’ll change how they respond to you.
What you can expect of me
I’ll hold the hope for you until you can catch it yourselves.
We’ll start with:
- What you know to be true for you
- The things you do well
- What is missing
Rather than talking about relationship work and compromise, I’ll be talking about collaboration and choice.
We’ll talk in terms of meaning and gain.
I’ll help you to:
- Share with each other safely
- Self-define honestly
- Create a vision together for the relationship you both long for
- Find the inspiration for who you aspire to be in that relationship
- Reflect on your own meaningful goals for becoming a better you
- Have more goals for yourself than for your partner
- Turn up honestly, with curiosity, kindness and accountability
My role is to help you rediscover yourselves as the source of the relationship that fits you.
Whatever the issue, we’ll look at the moves that have led to the relationship distress, without blame or criticism, to give you choices that you may have lost sight of.
I’ll believe in you and challenge you to grow. I’ll validate your experience without judgement – after all, I may have been there myself. I may ask tough questions. You can choose to answer them or not.
I’ll help you notice every small change to build up your sense of optimism.
Once safety and kindness have been re-established, a vision for working through the difficult bits together will naturally evolve.
Sexuality and Intimacy
For many of us, intimacy is a vital and a deeply connecting aspect of our relationship. When things go wrong, it can feel devastating. Shame is most often the spoiler. When you need help, you must be able to talk about it in a completely safe and positive environment.
I aim to provide that by helping you identify the stories and meanings you have lived by and the truth and honesty you would rather embrace.